It is a thing or a habit grows in you.
It was the people that love and cares for you have endured, allowed you to hurt them constantly and eventually mould you into a forever individual with a bad temper.
It is hard to change this habit, but it is possible to control.
It takes a lot of trials and error.
You made people around you pissed and fed up along the way.
You made people laughed at your shallow attitude.
How do I reduce this habit?
I wonder, often.
Dear you, thank you for your presence, strength and willing to stay by my side after all the bad you have gone through from me.
You was once pissed and fed up too.
I love you.
Yours truly,
Audrey Tan
It would be great if Ms. Goh is a sudden passerby and reading this. I made a handmade card with a portrait painting of her during her retirement speech in January this year. And I just realized it was kept in my blog draft all this while. I though it would be nice to share it with all of you, if any of the points I've mentioned and you felt the same way. I believe the majority are proud to be a St. Marian for their lifetime, so do I. Without further ado, here you go.
Dear Ms. Goh,
If you haven’t received the thanks you deserve after serving almost a decade in St. Mary, I want to thank you now. You're an absolutely amazing principal and making such a positive impact on me. I want to thank you for doing the most important work of all, educating the next generation and being willing to work long hours for modest pay and minimal status when you surely could be making more money with less stress and greater prestige. Although I may not agree with you all the time. But I am sure I have fond memories of my days in St. Mary's. I remembered that we are always alert and afraid of your keys sound that is hanging around your neck and your footstep sound from your high heels as you walk along the corridors. We will quickly settle down ourselves like pulling up our socks, get our fringe clipped, buckle up our pinafore and put the bags on the ground and much more. So that you will not walk into our class and give us a lecture. That would be a big relief for us. Now, I would laugh back at our little silly gestures. In comparison to other government school, we proudly have cleaner toilets, better canteen food, and less vandalism. Our chairs and tables are mostly in good condition. A person told me recently, "you can still have good teachers without a good principal. But you definitely won't have a good school". I believe, it's not very often a principal motivates people during assemblies with videos and pictures. Besides that, it took my dad and I, searching for almost 6 schools in a day for in KL for Form 6 but none of them offered art subjects. And without any demand, you offered help by contacting your friend and introduced me into MBS for my further studies. I'm so thankful and grateful at that moment. But unfortunately I have to turn you down because I received a scholarship offer from The Star Education Fund. You're always the best and I miss your literature class so badly. It was so fun and scary as I don't understand English well at that year. I can't thank you enough and I do appreciate for everything you have done for me, and everyone in the school. I hope you like the portrait painting I did for you. It's my first time drawing Asian and painting a portrait. Happy retirement and enjoy yourself! May God keep you well and healthy!
Sincerely,
Tan Pooi Ling
Graduates of 2010
With Love,
Audrey Tan
This is my first post in 2015. My few months of break were not wasted. At least I enjoy a few vacations locally and overseas and gave me a whole new perspective. I've made up my mind and try my luck for another scholarship to pursue my Bachelor Degree. I'll never dive myself into the art industry anymore. I figure out that's not my passion, although I love teaching and sharing art with kids, which is a total different thing than studying Advertising and Graphic design. I realized that I'm a person who loves freedom and exploring new things. I'm an extreme three-minute-heat person. Every lecturer says I've done best in presentation and always score at least one or two marks below or full marks. I think Corporate Communication will lead me to a pathway that I believe it'll suit me and I'll love it. Throughout three years in my Diploma, I realized that do what you love and not for money. Many told me that, but I was too naive to trust them. I regretted my first choice of doing art studies. And luck is on my side, I was so lucky receiving an email for a scholarship interview again. Few more days to prepare the best of me to present myself in front of the judge panel. Cross my fingers that I'll ace through my nervousness and wish me best of luck to pass through the interview. I think learning new languages will be an extra advantage for this course and my resume in the future. I'll do my best and possibly scoring first class honour.
Yours truly,
Audrey Tan
Can't believe I actually wasted 4 months right after I have finished my final semester class in the early August this year. Well, I have been making excuses to my parents and those who are concerned about my future undertakings that "Oh well, I'm actually taking a good long break for myself." Probably it ain't an excuse because I did go to several states in Malaysia and flew overseas, Adelaide, South Australia. Yes, you read it right. Australia, AGAIN. You might have that little thought running through your mind "Nasty, she's such a lazy bump. She's not good enough. She's probably lost motivation or inspiration. She's lifeless," Negative thoughts go on and on. But I don't give a fuck about my life, why do you even try to criticize me? Duh, whatever and put both middle fingers in the air.
I enjoy doing things that I lost track for years. I can stay more focus on my part time art class job like creating crafts and new drawing for kids. Also spending some quality times with love one watching television, movies (Mostly comedy or cartoon. Great way to de-stress) and recently painted a horse. It looks horrendous to me that my skills were rusted. Give me some time to improve them, not perfect, but hopefully near perfection. *cross fingers* Also during this long break, I finally figured out which position I should apply for a job interview. Yeah, like finally. At the moment the job best suited me would be a VM (Visual Merchandiser) or Account Executive (Servicing Dept). Time to redo my CV, edit my portfolio page (digitally) and a simple presentation slides about myself (like SWOP, skills and etc.). Working with an SMP just makes me go nuts. I don't seem to get them to apply into each section of my portfolio.
I love writing and I love blogging with comprehensive one, back then. I never used to like writing until I need to buck up my studies for my SPM qualification exam, but I do hope to get a chance to learn, like joining a writing class to see how much fun it is to write. Frankly speaking, writing has no rules and restrictions. I want to learn to express myself through the way I type. I want to learn how much fun it is to keep an online diary in the form of a blog which I see my friend who are so well-written and also speaking. I used to love learning new words and improve my grammars. I used to get lots of inspiration from different English bloggers, but a lot of restrictions for me to stop writing. I just couldn't find a right time to instill this passion. I am always a three-minute-heat person that I get attracted to new things easily. Just recently I have fallen in love with baking with online recipes. So much fun and a good way to keep a smile for yourself and other people when they tasted good baked from you. And I am seriously considering a career in writing. Only time will tell and also if I get a chance to re-learn writing. Nowadays lacking of copywriters make most of the companies out there pay good amount of salary. Who doesn't want to earn a high pay right? *hahaha*
Another news, I just turned 21 years old not long ago. Traditionally in Chinese culture, we officially received a "key" which equally means we are given freedom or a key to adulthood. I’m not spending my 21st birthday bar hopping to get free drinks. Instead, I’m spending my 21st birthday with my boyfriend, family, parent's friends and a bunch of my friends, throwing a common birthday party at my house. So far I have only been to several countries like Bangkok, Koh Lanta (Thailand), Perth (Western Australia) and Adelaide (South Australia). That's pathetic right? I haven't explored my neighbor country like Singapore, Indonesia, Phillipine yet and many more countries on my list. But I'm glad that I just travelled all the way up north in Malaysia (Not sure if I'm geographically correct because I always messed up reading maps). Soon to explore down the Peninsular of Malaysia. A little bit of excitement, mainly I want to explore Johor the Hello Kitty cafe and the Premium Outlet with good and cheap branded items. Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, Europe, other parts of Australia (Sydney, Melbourne, Goldcoast, Canberra, Tasmania and etc.), Phillipine, Singapore and more is on my list. Voila~ Can't wait for my Kuching trip for next week, even though it's an event job for cars because we get to drive around, food hunt and do some souvenir shopping. Yay!
Just another day I rant about my life here. Good luck to everyone out there! Enjoy what you're doing! (:
With Love,
Audrey Tan
Yesterday night was a great shocked in my life. Three of us in the car and we could be killed just in seconds, if we aren't lucky. Thank God we were all fine, but endured minor injuries like bruises, swollen, slight cut with blood, neck sprain and backache. Yesterday was a last day of holiday and everyone was rushing back to the city from their respective hometown therefore heavy traffic congestion on the highway even though we chose the old road. We planned to fill up the petrol tank since the petrol meter showed at 'E' sign. Once we exited from the petrol station and a distance away sudden brake due to heavy traffic congestion nearby a mosque on our left side. Just merely a few seconds, a car came from high speed and hit on our back, we had an impact on our neck and second hit again from the back car. Unfortunately, we couldn't evade the front car and another extra victim in this accident. We lodge a police report of this incident and our car was over heat. We have no choice and stop at the roadside after passing elite toll. We tried cranking to start the engine again and we managed to see a pit stop 5km away but we didn't manage to make it there because the car chose to breakdown probably due to gasket burn within a 1km distance. We called for his dad helped and towed the car away and his dad picked us home at 2am. We sent his mum to hospital for a check up due to swollen leg under the knee. Glad that after all the scanning she was totally fine, no bone fractured or etc. Today we felt neck sprain and body ache all over probably due to the impact from the accident. I felt really sore and tired almost feeling like fever but I took some Panadol. Hopefully I'll be fine real soon. I can't bear the neck sprain as I hardly get to twist my body as I sleep or force myself to get up after lying down around. The good news is we'll have a turbo car and a more powerful horsepower on another car! I pray this incident will be the first and the last worst shocking moment in my life! Drive safe, take a rest if you're sleepy, don't play the phone while driving if you can't handle it and don't kill the innocents!
Best Regards,
Audrey
There's this uncertainty that makes me feel so unfair towards everything he does. Yes, I am talking about the attitude and management skills of his. I was very frustrated at people who thinks they are good for all round. Excuse me, no one is born perfect. Not even near to perfection.
You misjudged me for not attending the first group meeting because I was a way to a trip to a research, whereas another member of our group was away to overseas was fine. What sorcery are you referring to?
Do not give me that particular unfriendly eyesight that you could almost swallow me into your dirty, oily and disgust belly. Come on, chill and be fair dude. Throwing your tantrum because I did not help much for the first section by giving me so many tasks to be completed? What about the other member of our group? Do you find it fair? And most importantly, what you verbally said to me in the class comparing to your last-minute-post on Facebook were utmost different. What are you trying to do, man of disgust and shame?
I would like to purchase some cheap items as well for fundraising. That seems much simpler to me to complete the task instead of completing 2 proposals. You're so afraid of your minimal level of Enlisgh, therefore you're trying to push this responsibility to me? Wow, such a good leadership you had there. Do not try to chase me away by putting fears onto me. I am not afraid at all. You want to be a bad guy? Now, let me done this first before you. I felt good that way. Thanks to all your dirty tricks.
Lastly, using another task as an excuse and miss-in-action for at least 3 weeks without contributing a pinch of salt towards the project. I am glad with my complaint filed, you did an average job. I would say it was done rough, improperly and without a clear direction. I am glad to help explain and further elaborate ideas for your execution. Lecturer praised me though. *smirk* The more you want to see what I've done, the more I purposely avoid showing you what I had. Mind you, beware of your body language and verbal tone towards a lecturer. Do not be over confident, that actually might irritates many of the clients in the real world. I was laughing at your gesture and tone manner.
I still personally think that you have poor leadership skills based on my years of experiences for team building courses and leaders for clubs and societies back then at high school. Yes, double thumbs down for you yeah. *giggled*
Yours truly,
Audrey Tan
The clock struck at 4.32am while I started typing right now. Yes, I'm whispering to myself that "Hey, come on! 4 days more to go until the day of freedom! Hang in there, stop procrastinating and finish up everything, send for printing, and you're pretty much done for submission!"It may seem easy to say that to myself as a motivation, but I guess this semester has been really dreadful and tiring for me. A lot of bad happenings for school stuff, I just didn't want to mention here. My mum walked into my room and questioned me if I'm very stressed and lots of assignments to be completed upon tight deadline, I answered yes and I told her roughly what happened to me. I'm struggling really badly this semester. Mainly, I lost my passion into it. I figured out, I just want a graduation certificate of the Diploma. I'm not doing this for anyone, not even for myself. The pressure, deadlines, assignments, requirements, critiques and many more are just sucks. Compared to other local design schools, I would have graduated earlier and easier by achieving probably four flats at any other school. TOA syllabus is just too tough and ridiculous. Many have lodged complaint pertaining this yet action was not taken. I know is an industry training, but heck, I don't think so. I've been compiling advices around from the professionals out there. I am planning to further studies for the Degree but definitely not design related. Mum agreed and support for what are my plan for the future. I don't want to kill myself anymore with sleepless nights, cries, clueless, hopeless, getting stressful, sick, extreme hair falls, no home cook, negativity, competition from peers, and a lot more. Besides that, I don't even have time to do shopping or groceries, also I'm always in a bad temper and neglected my boyfriend most of the time. I'm very thankful indeed that he does not give up cheering for me. I'm so fed up already. I would really salute myself to graduate this year end. I would utmost appreciate sleeping and healthy lifestyle after graduation! *yells on top of my lung!* I can't wait for the surprise prepared from my boyfriend, he didn't want to tell me but I know it's something that relaxes me. That's what he always does. I love you.
With love,
Audrey Tan
